SUPERMAN VS SPIDER-MAN XXX
DVD. Vivid.

One of the great things about porn parody superhero movies is the chance to see combinations of characters that we’ll probably never get in the mainstream movies. After all, Marvel’s assorted contracts mean that they can’t get all their characters to interact on screen, but for Axel Braun and Vivid, that’s clearly not a problem. And so we get Superman vs. Spider-Man XXX, which firmly establishes its nerd credentials by being (very loosely) based on the classic 1976 Marvel/DC crossover where the two iconic heroes first met. Even the sleeve art is a spot-on pastiche of that classic book’s original cover.

Just as the comic started out with individual stories for the two heroes (and their villains), the film opens with Spidey (Xander Corvus) running into Black Cat (Jazy Berlin), leading to a vigorous sex scene before he goes on to capture Dr Octopus (James Batholet, complete with CGI arms).

Meanwhile, Superman (Ryan Driller) is notably absent from his story, as Lex Luthor (Eric Masterson) & Miss Tessmacher (Alexis Texas) have a run in with Supergirl (Kagney Lynn Carter), who is captured with a kryptonite necklace. But Miss T is willing to let her go in exchange for some super loving. It’s amusing to see that Supergirl has pussy piercing that I assume she got on the home planet, given her general invulnerability to things like needles.

This encounter turns out to be a dream, and Luthor and Doc Ock are actually side-by-side in prison. The pair break out (in a scene that lifts from the original comic but gives it more credibility!). The Daily Bugle and Daily Planet team up to get the scoop on the escapees, inadvertently bring Peter Parker & Clark Kent together - not to mention Betty Brant (Sarah Shevon) and Lois Lane (Andy San Dimas).

The villains kidnap Lois and demand that Superman bring Spider-Man to them so that both heroes can be defeated. Superman heads off in search of Spider-Man, pausing in his vital mission only to have a three-way with Mary Jane (Capri Anderson) and Liz Osborn (Lily LaBeau) – a level of crossover we haven’t previously seen. Of course, anyone who’s read Larry Niven’s Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex will be painfully aware of the likely dangers of human female / Kryptonian male sex, but thankfully none of that unpleasantness occurs here.

Eventually, Supes and Spidey meet up, have a bit of an argument (amusingly, Superman immediately knows Spider-man’s real ID, because he can see through the mask! How did that not happen in the comic?). Perhaps not thinking this through, Superman delivers Spidey to the villains, but is captured by Dock Ock’s new kryptonite arms. Luthor demands Lois sucks his cock in order for Superman to be allowed to live (leading to the immortal line “just don’t swallow, Lois” from a distraught Superman).

Spidey recovers in time to help Superman fight back, though it’s Spiderwoman who pops up to save the day –for which Spider-man is suitably grateful. Jenna Presley as Spiderwoman is one of the most relentlessly vocal porn performers I’ve ever seen.

As with all X-rated superhero spoofs, the film has less plot than you’d like, but is helped by a smart sense of humour, an obvious love for the source material and relatively impressive production values – not to mention the sheer joy of seeing all these characters on screen together (and behaving in such a disreputable manner!) Vivid really ought to start mass-producing their excellent, and often quite fetish club friendly superhero costumes – imagine the nerd fantasies that could be fulfilled.

The screener under review doesn’t have the DVD extras that are presumably part of this 2-disc package, but if past experience is anything to go by, I’m sure they’ll be excellent.

DAVID FLINT