VS SPIDER-MAN XXX
One of the great things about porn parody superhero movies is
the chance to see combinations of characters that we’ll
probably never get in the mainstream movies. After all, Marvel’s
assorted contracts mean that they can’t get all their characters
to interact on screen, but for Axel Braun and Vivid, that’s
clearly not a problem. And so we get Superman vs. Spider-Man
XXX, which firmly establishes its nerd credentials by
being (very loosely) based on the classic 1976 Marvel/DC crossover
where the two iconic heroes first met. Even the sleeve art is
a spot-on pastiche of that classic book’s original cover.
Just as the comic started out with individual stories for the
two heroes (and their villains), the film opens with Spidey (Xander
Corvus) running into Black Cat (Jazy Berlin), leading to a vigorous
sex scene before he goes on to capture Dr Octopus (James Batholet,
complete with CGI arms).
Superman (Ryan Driller) is notably absent from his story, as Lex
Luthor (Eric Masterson) & Miss Tessmacher (Alexis Texas) have
a run in with Supergirl (Kagney Lynn Carter), who is captured
with a kryptonite necklace. But Miss T is willing to let her go
in exchange for some super loving. It’s amusing to see that
Supergirl has pussy piercing that I assume she got on the home
planet, given her general invulnerability to things like needles.
This encounter turns out to be a dream, and Luthor and Doc Ock
are actually side-by-side in prison. The pair break out (in a
scene that lifts from the original comic but gives it more credibility!).
The Daily Bugle and Daily Planet team up to get the scoop on the
escapees, inadvertently bring Peter Parker & Clark Kent together
- not to mention Betty Brant (Sarah Shevon) and Lois Lane (Andy
villains kidnap Lois and demand that Superman bring Spider-Man
to them so that both heroes can be defeated. Superman heads off
in search of Spider-Man, pausing in his vital mission only to
have a three-way with Mary Jane (Capri Anderson) and Liz Osborn
(Lily LaBeau) – a level of crossover we haven’t previously
seen. Of course, anyone who’s read Larry Niven’s Man
of Steel, Woman of Kleenex will be painfully aware of
the likely dangers of human female / Kryptonian male sex, but
thankfully none of that unpleasantness occurs here.
Eventually, Supes and Spidey meet up, have a bit of an argument
(amusingly, Superman immediately knows Spider-man’s real
ID, because he can see through the mask! How did that not happen
in the comic?). Perhaps not thinking this through, Superman delivers
Spidey to the villains, but is captured by Dock Ock’s new
kryptonite arms. Luthor demands Lois sucks his cock in order for
Superman to be allowed to live (leading to the immortal line “just
don’t swallow, Lois” from a distraught Superman).
Spidey recovers in time to help Superman fight back, though it’s
Spiderwoman who pops up to save the day –for which Spider-man
is suitably grateful. Jenna Presley as Spiderwoman is one of the
most relentlessly vocal porn performers I’ve ever seen.
As with all X-rated superhero spoofs, the film has less plot than
you’d like, but is helped by a smart sense of humour, an
obvious love for the source material and relatively impressive
production values – not to mention the sheer joy of seeing
all these characters on screen together (and behaving in such
a disreputable manner!) Vivid really ought to start mass-producing
their excellent, and often quite fetish club friendly superhero
costumes – imagine the nerd fantasies that could be fulfilled.
The screener under review doesn’t have the DVD extras that
are presumably part of this 2-disc package, but if past experience
is anything to go by, I’m sure they’ll be excellent.