SOME MOTHERS DO SHAG 'EM
DVD region 0. MSS.

British porn can sometimes be a thoroughly depressing experience, and Some Mothers Do Shag 'Em is a case in point. Featuring Georgina, Starr, Sam Bond, Daisy Rock and Rebecca Smyth, this DVD is shot with all the panache and skill of Eighties British softcore, delivering a grim series of unrelated sex scenes that are enough to drain you of the will to live.

We start with Starr enjoying a dildo before being joined by a smug-looking Tony James for a dull session that is notable only for the part where he wears a strap-on (which kinda suggests he couldn't deliver the goods with the real thing...).

Reducing everything down to a porn film stereotype, Rebecca Smyth tackles a couple of handymen - one of whom looks about twelve, and both of whom struggle to get hard. It's all very "gor blimey guvnor" accents and awkward sex, and to be honest, if all porn was like this, I'd sign up to the pro-censorship lobby.

Daisy Rock tackles a poor man's Omar in an instantly forgettable scene before we finally get into full MILF territory, as Samantha Bond takes on some oaf in a nasty jumper, and - to her credit - gobbles cock like she might never see one again. She's a well-preserved older woman - probably using Ronseal, given her orange appearance.

Finally, we have headlined - but not cover featured - 'old comer' Georgina, who looks good while dressed, but considerably less good naked. Pubic hair fans will like her more than I did no doubt, as she gets it on with the ever irritating Tony James and Pascal - here even more annoying than he is in all those Ben Dover films.

Some Mothers Do Shag 'Em is bottom of the barrel stuff, with absolutely no redeeming features. I imagine it's selling like hot cakes.

DAVID FLINT

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