SLAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE
Stickman Pictures.

Vet, a man of war, is asked by Conway, a shady official type, to lead a band of mercenaries into Gallows Wood to extract the mysterious Professor Curtis Black, a turncoat scientist who will not surrender easily.

Written, directed and co-produced by Rishi Thaker, Slaughter is the Best Medicine is a micro budget British production that fails on every level. It’s a cliché riddled attempt at an old theme. You know the one, the crack team of hardened mercenary types are air dropped into a jungle on such and such a mission etc etc…Only here, the hardened dogs of war (we know they’re real hard nuts because they’re given names like The Cobra, Vet, Scope and Tracks), come off like a bunch of teenagers, their endless squabbling and attempts at camaraderie never rising above the utterly juvenile, their acting ability is equally inept. Whilst I understand that the budget would never have stretched to an actual jungle, the use of what amounts to a public park as the setting for the ‘action’, fails miserably. Action, when there actually is any, involves a skinny man jumping on the backs of two of the team and bringing them both down with an elbow in the ribs! After more pointless wandering in the park, they are slowly mysteriously picked off in the most inane manner imaginable.

This truly is an unrivalled sack of shit. I have seen some truly abysmal films in my time, but can say without any exaggeration whatsoever, that this is the worst film I’ve ever had the misfortune to see. Ninety minutes of pure drudgery, every scene caused me to cringe, every last dribble of macho bollocks made me want to give up and switch the crap off and apologise to my DVD player for having to digest such cack handed nonsense. Their leader Vet’s communication to the office bound Conway, seemingly accomplished simply by sticking his finger in his ear, had me shouting abuse at the screen. I’ll not give away the mind boggling finale, just in case any of you are masochistic enough to actually want to see it for yourselves, but it will suffice to say that never in the history of independent film has there been anything more contrived and so utterly banal.

I hated every second of this tardy film. I’d love to say something positive…but really, I can’t think of one redeeming feature.

STEVE HUGHES