Human Centipede – live? Who could resist that? Not me, certainly, and so I enthusiastically hopped on a train when I received invite to check out the Halloween show at The London Bridge Experience’s London Tombs (not to be confused with any other horror attraction down the road…).

Arriving at the venue (tucked away under London Bridge and very handy for the tube), I ran into Nucleus Films’ Marc Morris, his lovely girlfriend Michelle and FrightFest’s Paul McEvoy, and enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine while we waited for the event to start. Venue staff were suitably monstered up for the occasion, with one decidedly creepy living ventriloquist dummy taking first prize for being frankly terrifying. Also on hand were the cast of The Human Centipede II (Final Sequence).

When it came time to start the show, punters were taken through in small groups. After an opening set of instructions that ranged from standard health and safety to classic horror warnings for people with assorted medical conditions, and the chance to pose for souvenir photos, the show started.

We were instructed to form a single-file line, hands on the shoulders of the person in front. This ensured that the line kept moving with no dawdling to stare at the exhibits – an necessity, given that this is more of a walking ghost train than an exhibition, an for the various shocks and scares to work, everyone has to keep moving and be part of a collective whole. Plus, it’s pretty damned dark in places! Given the special attraction this year, I guess we should all feel grateful that we weren’t fastened together, ass to mouth…

After a ‘trip’ in a shaking, buckling, rattling lift that really did give the impression of movement, the march through the exhibit began. It’s a surprisingly vast, multi-roomed place, full of twists and turns, and as well as the static displays – some very gory and gruesome – there are the live performers that leap out to ‘attack’ as you pass by. These certainly had the right effect, as a couple of girls near the front of our line seemed only a few steps away from panic at any time – and the fear factor is (coincidentally? Deliberately?) increased simply by the people you are holding onto, directly or indirectly, putting on a burst of speed to escape the horrors.

I must say that the actual Human Centipede part of the show is actually quite minimal – we suddenly found ourselves out of the darkness and in a brightly lit medical room where three distressed looking people were fastened together in a pretty decent facsimile of the original film. It was an impressive sight, but then we were quickly moving on to the next part. The conga line of the damned ended with us running the gauntlet of a chainsaw-wielding maniac as ‘blood’ jetted out onto us. And then it was back into the relative normality of the entrance.

This was the first ‘scare attraction’ I’d visited, and I found it hugely entertaining. There’s no faulting the effort that has gone into making this a horror fan’s dream – not only the twisting, turning pathway and the generally excellent displays – shrouded in darkness and subtly lit just enough to make out what they were – and fear-inducing elements. Whether it was avoiding dangling severed heads or squeezing through a tight rubber tunnel, keeping your teeth away from a sadistic dentist or simply stumbling through the darkness, this works very well. Some people screamed – a lot! – while those of us who love this stuff chortled with delight. Whatever your reaction, this is a tremendous show and well worth checking out.

Phobophobia runs as an ‘after dark’ show for the over 16s between October 27th and 31st. Dieter Laser, who plays Dr Heiter in the original Human Centipede, will be there in person from the 27th – 29th. More nervous Nellies, or those of you with children, can check out the less intense daytime version, alongside the History behind the Horror event from the 17th to November 1st.

DAVID FLINT

www.thelondonbridgeexperience.com