When a filmmaker calls himself Creep Creepersin, your expectations are automatically lowered. It’s quite something, then, that Peeping Blog still manages to disappoint.

Set up as the footage filmed by a stalker, this ‘film’ – it barely qualifies for that description – opens with Creepersin, playing a socially inept, sexually inadequate loser like someone born to the part, following Ariauana Albright to a car park, parking up, watching her have a drink outside some coffee shop and then driving home. A stickler for authenticity, Creepersin spends about three minutes waiting at traffic lights, longer driving round looking for a suitable parking spot and twenty minutes in total on this dialogue-free footage. This is followed by equally unflinching footage of him prowling her apartment (in reality, painfully clearly Creepersin’s place), trying to work out how to use the microwave, eating a Hot Pocket and then hiding in a place that would not disguise his presence at all. Albright is none too bright though, as she stands directly in front of him on several occasions without spotting him – the most unlikely bit of hiding in plain sight I’ve seen since the 1980s kids TV show where the Big Bad Wolf avoided detection by crouching in the corner with a TV arial on his head. This eats up another twenty minutes, along side a part of your soul.

Albright’s sister shows up and the pair have a barely audible conversation about the sister's feckless boyfriend before Albright leaves and Creepersin kills the sister, offscreen. Then, Albright comes home drunk and is tied up by the stalker, taunted with a dildo and killed.

I may be misjudging Creepersin here. If his intention was to put would-be stalkers off by showing just how tedious an occupation it is, then full marks to him. If, however, he thought he was making an edgy, challenging, arty or entertaining movie, then he was sadly mistaken. This is a film in which nothing at all happens, and takes forever to do so. Without even a modicum of characterisation or plot to hold the interest, the film becomes a numbing exercise in tedium. Initially intriguing on an ambient film level perhaps – it’s hard to believe that anyone would make a film this dull accidentally – but ultimately tiresome. On the plus side, it does allow you to multi-task (checking email, making food, having a phone conversation) without missing anything… but only because nothing at all happens until the last few minutes.

The film does at least show that you can get a passable picture shooting on mobile phones. Shame it was wasted on such rubbish.

The DVD also features deleted scenes that I couldn’t bring myself to watch and a self-shot ‘interview’ with Creepersin, who is exactly what you would expect.

DAVID FLINT

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