Christmas is the best time of year for fans of irredeemably
awful records, but even fans of the seasonally tragic
have to be a little discerning. After all, no sensible
person will indulge Bob Geldof’s fretting about
the White Man’s Burden as he once again single-handedly
saves Africa (you know, that single homogenous country
devoid of water and the awareness of Christmas), surely?
Or perhaps you will be supporting No More Page 3 with
their turgid record by Miss Baby Sol (Miss not Ms? Surely
some mistake!), though if you are, I suggest you go
away and think very carefully about what you are doing.
Both the above-mentioned releases can’t even pretend
to actually be any good. Geldof has virtually admitted
his record is crap and No More Page 3 state “The
song may well not be your cup of tea. You may think
we're foolish even attempting it … but even so,
please, do get behind us.”
So in the same spirit of 'never mind the bollocks song,
here’s the political message' – and because
this release won’t get the same sympathetic press
coverage as either of the above – Strange
Things Are Happening endorses the forthcoming
single from the TVXBabes, released by PornHub Records.
Coming for Christmas has Brooklyn Blue
on lead vocals, backed by Angel Long, Jess West and
Victoria Summers, and with former rock star (really!)
Ben Dover on drums. You can watch 40 seconds of it below,
and that’s probably as much as you’ll ever
need. The lyrics, should you wish to sing along, are
“Have I been a naughty girl? / Have I been
a naughty girl? / There’s only one way that we
can find out / Let’s go sit on Santa’s lap
/ See what’s inside his sack.” Pure
poetry, I think you’ll agree.
Still, you won’t be buying this for the music,
but to stick it to the censors, the moralists, the government
and the Daily Mail, all of whom would just be appalled
if this was actually a hit. That’s assuming it
IS actually going to be available to purchase –
as of now, all I know is that it makes its complete
debut on Television X at 10pm on November 29th.
We’ll leave aside questions about the adult television
channel most enthusiastic about the government and ATVOD’s
new crippling restrictions on British porn websites
teaming up with a leading overseas provider of free
porn without age checks for another day...
UPDATE: And here it is, in all it's... erm... 'glory'.
UPDATE:
For those of you concerned that the above video was rather lacking in nudity, a new 'boobs out' version has just been released. It's a direct affront to the No More Page 3 campaign's turgid tune, and should this somehow crack the top 40, Television X will donate to the hard-working and underfunded campaigh group Sex and Censorship. 79p to help a good cause and stick it to the moralisers? Money well spent, surely!
