Britain's cretins are up in arms again, this time over ghastly BBC soap opera Eastenders.

Apparently, the programme featured a cot death and baby swap storyline at New Year - how festive! - and thanks to some cynical tabloid manipulation, over 3000 people have paused from trying to work out how to open the fridge door in order to complain.

Now, I can understand complaints about why such badly acted and shoddily written crap is on TV about fifty times a week, but this is just collective insanity - pretty much what you'd expect from the type of viewers who have such a tenuous grasp of the difference between fiction and reality that they will abuse soap actors who play villains in the street.

One spectacularly clueless midwife told the BBC that the story was "so far from realism it will be the last time I will watch this programme."

Yes dear, it was far from realism because it's a work of fiction, not a documentary. The conveyor-belt nature of British soaps invariably means that they will feature sensationalist stories that have little in common with real life - to complain about that for anything other than artistic reasons is laughable.

Meanwhile, not to be outdone, complaints from hyper-sensitive idiots in America have led to the publication of rewritten versions of Mark Twain's Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer, changing the word 'nigger' to 'slave'. Never mind the literary value of these books, or the fact that they are critical studies of a racist culture - no, words are dangerous no matter what the context and must be censored.