MELVIN
DVD. Chemical Burn.

I have quite a decent tolerance level for zero budget, amateur films – at least, more than the average person. I can sit through stuff shot on a cheap camcorder with lousy acting and poor special effects, as long as there is some evidence of heart, soul and most importantly, originality in the movie. What I can’t tolerate, though, are crappy home movies that are derivative, clumsy, insulting and moronic. All of which is why I found Melvin to be practically unwatchable.

The plot, if you want to call it that, sees ultra-nerdy Melvin being continually abused and bullied by punks, cheerleaders and general idiots, until he’s killed by them. Also bullied is fellow nerd Norton, who is then possessed by the zombie-like spirit of Melvin, and takes his predictably gory revenge.

Clearly inspired by moronic Troma crap like The Toxic Avenger – Troma head Lloyd Kaufman has a cameo - Melvin is a painful mix of lousy acting, bad plotting, dreadful pacing and general godawfulness. Every character is hateful, the film drags on forever – despite only being an hour long – and Henry Weintraub’s direction appears to consist of pointing the camera in vaguely the right direction and hoping.

The only passable element of the whole thing is a fake movie trailer called Night of the Driller, which Weintraub is proud enough of to repeat during the closing credits and include as an extra – I guess he wanted to get his money’s worth after paying a girl to get naked.

But shit like this tends to be made by and for redneck trailer trash, and doubtless Henry and his mates had a good old time making it. That’s no reason why the rest of us should have to suffer it though. Avoid at all costs.

DAVID FLINT

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