HOTEL FETISH
DVD region 0. Viv Thomas.

I'm all in favour of glossy porn, and when British companies in particular make an effort, they should be encouraged - after all, there's nothing more dispiriting than basic British smut. And so Hotel Fetish should be right up my street. Itwas also - oddly - the first Viv Thomas production to come my way, and I was keen to see if his reputation was deserved.

Unfortunately, the answer is 'no', and the movie fails on pretty much every level.

With a title like Hotel Fetish, the viewer is justifiably bound to have certain expectations - none of which are fulfilled. Unless, that is, your dark unspeakable desires run only as far as lingerie, feet (and none-too-pretty feet at that), virgins (!) or - as the opening titles put it - 'consensual S&M'. Real daring, guys!

Now, I know British porn has certain restrictions on what can be shown... but other people have made 'schoolgirl' porn (Harmony among them) so why coyly call your uniform-clad starlets 'virgins' (especially when, if you think about it, that has far dodgier implications when you combine it with schoolgirl uniforms).

Add to this that the 'BDSM' footage is little more than a woman in a cheap PVC outfit mildly berating some bloke for a few seconds before the decidedly male-dominated fucking starts, and ~I'd feel justified in wanting my money back had I bought this expecting a bit of kink.

To be honest, even as vanilla sex, this DVD is bland stuff, and no amount of surface gloss can hide that.

DAVID FLINT