It’s
that time again – the annual gathering of pop contenders
from around Europe (and nearby places) in the notorious Eurovision
Song Contest. Long ridiculed in the UK, the event seems to be
once again finding some credibility thanks to the removal of the
increasingly unfunny, bigoted Terry Wogan, who’s excuses
for the UK not winning and constant harping on about political
voting (because of course all those former Yugoslavian nations
just love each other) were beginning to sound uncomfortably
like racism. Accepting that nations with similar cultural tastes
might well vote for each other’s songs (much as the UK and
Ireland often do), Wogan’s ranting increasingly left a bitter
taste, and his habit of talking over songs and sneering at just
about everything did irreparable damage to the credibility of
the contest. Not that I’m suggesting this is an annual collection
of Europe’s finest – but quite frankly, most of this
stuff that is sneered at is no different from the disposable pop
that logs up the UK charts. A nation that puts the X-Factor winner
at Number One every year is in no position to mock the musical
output of anyone else.
But I digress…
The 2012 contest is preceded by the official album, featuring
all 42 songs from the semi-finals and final. So look at this as
your Eurovision primer.
What’s immediately notable from the alum – and indeed,
from watching the actual contests over the years – is that
while people have an idea of the typical Eurovision song, the
truth is that most of the entries – though never the successful
ones – are heartfelt and tedious power ballads. Thus year
is full of them – from hosts Azerbaijan, Bosnia & Herzegovina,
Estonia, Spain, Finland (bring back Lordi!), Croatia, Lithuania,
Macedonia, Slovenia and others. They are all dreadful. Slightly
better is the German effort – co-written by Jamie Cullum!
– and the UK’s Englebert Humperdink track, which could
easily be one of his numbers from the Sixties, and although too
low key to win, is certainly the best UK entry in years.
Apart from the ballads, there are the Euro disco tunes you might
more associate with Eurovision – Norway, Romania, Sweden
and Ukraine deliver instantly forgettable examples of this. And
the boy band stuff – Malta and Hungary both deliver the
substandard goods here. And we won’t even discuss the joke
act representing Ireland…
But what of the oddities, the howlingly wrong and the surprisingly
good?
Austria’s
‘interestingly’ from an English viewpoint) named Trackshittaz
deliver a ridiculous rap that sounds very much like someone shouting
‘fuck him in the popo’ (the song is actually called
Woki Mit Deim Popo) and is trashy fun,
as is the bizarre Israeli entry from Izabo, and the tuneless,
incomprehensible Montenegro entry. The Netherlands deliver a heavily
Dutch-accented track from Joan Franka that is too local in flavour
to really travel, and Slovakia have decided to go the metal route,
with glam rocker Max Jason Mai. San Marino’s The
Social Network Song (renamed after the original
title The Facebook Song was deemed to
be promoting a commercial service) is ludicrous and annoying catchy,
while Albania’s Rona Nishliu might be the most terrifying
looking and sounding woman you’ll ever encounter.
As for what’s good – Denmark’s Soluna Samay
is probably too good for this event – her song Should’ve
Known Better, with its country-flecked vocals and
soft rock vibe is closer to the likes of Carrie Underwood or Lene
Marlin than anything that could win this contest. France deliver
with Anggun’s bouncy, poppy Echo,
which seems about to fall apart at the start but then pulls it
together – she’s no Mylene Farmer, but this is a contender.
Cyprus has a catchy slice of Euro pop, as do Greece – both
are possible winners. Iceland’s oddly folky tune has a bit
of an Evanescence vibe to it, and is probably more suited to The
Hobbit soundtrack than Eurovision. Latvia’s entry
is worth mentioning just for the naked, shameless begging for
votes with the most misguided lyrics since LT United’s We
Are The Winners. Anmary’s Beautiful
Song talks of the track being a global hit leading
to her working with Jagger and McCartney – a grand delusion.
The favourite this year is Italy’s Nina Zilli with L’Amore
E Femmina, which is infectious, poppy and almost
cool. But I suspect the Russian Grannies could steal it –
their song is pretty bad and their performance not great even
on record, but they have novelty and a good back story on their
side. We shall see.
Eurovision itself remains a wonderfully entertaining, entirely
insubstantial evening of television (or, thanks to the semi finals,
three evenings of television). Whether that is enough to make
you want to own an album full of all the entries is open to question.
But if you do, here it is.
It’s
that time again – the annual gathering of pop contenders
from around Europe (and nearby places) in the notorious Eurovision
Song Contest. Long ridiculed in the UK, the event seems to be
once again finding some credibility thanks to the removal of the
increasingly unfunny, bigoted Terry Wogan, who’s excuses
for the UK not winning and constant harping on about political
voting (because of course all those former Yugoslavian nations
just love each other) were beginning to sound uncomfortably
like racism. Accepting that nations with similar cultural tastes
might well vote for each other’s songs (much as the UK and
Ireland often do), Wogan’s ranting increasingly left a bitter
taste, and his habit of talking over songs and sneering at just
about everything did irreparable damage to the credibility of
the contest. Not that I’m suggesting this is an annual collection
of Europe’s finest – but quite frankly, most of this
stuff that is sneered at is no different from the disposable pop
that logs up the UK charts. A nation that puts the X-Factor winner
at Number One every year is in no position to mock the musical
output of anyone else.
Austria’s
‘interestingly’ from an English viewpoint) named Trackshittaz
deliver a ridiculous rap that sounds very much like someone shouting
‘fuck him in the popo’ (the song is actually called
Woki Mit Deim Popo) and is trashy fun,
as is the bizarre Israeli entry from Izabo, and the tuneless,
incomprehensible Montenegro entry. The Netherlands deliver a heavily
Dutch-accented track from Joan Franka that is too local in flavour
to really travel, and Slovakia have decided to go the metal route,
with glam rocker Max Jason Mai. San Marino’s The
Social Network Song (renamed after the original
title The Facebook Song was deemed to
be promoting a commercial service) is ludicrous and annoying catchy,
while Albania’s Rona Nishliu might be the most terrifying
looking and sounding woman you’ll ever encounter.